2019 Blog Posting Schedule

Stay tuned for exciting happenings with Talking All That Jaz!

Social Media Bullying

“I can only imagine the level of insecurity and self hatred of the individual behind a keyboard typing hate filled messages to individuals they don’t know.” Jaz

The world of social media. The place where you can post pictures of your new baby. Launch a new business. Find a plumber or a 5 star restaurant. The place where you can now stream your favorite tv shows and movies or watch your favorite YouTube sensation (talkingallthatjaz https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSYnij1EIkgwbNSmb-cgfDQ ). The place where one viral video can change the trajectory of ones life. The place where you can bring justice to a situation where police refuse to help. You see where I’m going. Social media can be an amazing place when used for good.

Social Media is also the place that has given bullies a platform to degrade, demean, harass, stalk, and a heightened sense of entitlement. Entitlement to publicly judge and harass people they don’t know. I wanted to see just how bad this was so I spent literally 10 minutes on Twitter and Instagram of individuals I currently follow, from super famous to Insta-famous and here are some of the messages I found.

This photo was on a young lady’s twitter account in response to a picture she posted of herself. These messages were mild in comparison to those telling her that she should die or kill herself.

In this message what “that” is referring to a woman.

This message was referring to a black woman’s caucasian spouse.

This is the dark side of social media.

During my daughter’s senior year of high school, I can remember her showing me an Instagram page dedicated to “exposing” girls, and by exposing I mean young boys who had captured videos and pictures of girls (some aware and some not) performing sexual acts. There were several pages, most titled “Hoes of (insert city). I was flabbergasted and I reported everyone I found! Now before you judge the behavior and lack of parenting, let’s focus on this topic and this issue. I saw first hand how the extreme bullying on these pages ruined lives.

I grew up in the generation of no social media. In the day even before dial up internet and floppy disk. Who remembers the sound of the internet loading?

(For added effect)

Or the day of using a typewriter and whiteout to craft anonymous letters. Bullying when I was growing up existed, but it looked different. I was a victim of bullying, from elementary to high school to corporate america in my adult life. I had my lunch taken and I was called names and teased about everything during my childhood. At that time I didn’t understand why I was a target and it broke me, but I didn’t see it posted everywhere. I was fortunate, the bullying stopped when I left school. There was no way to post online. I’ve also been bullied in the workplace by those in authority who took advantage of my need for a paycheck.

“It takes an unimaginable amount of strength to endure bullying and not everyone is strong enough to overcome.” Jaz

The rate of people harming themselves and others because of bullies is alarming! Children and adults. A few incidents include a 17 y/o teen from Houston, Texas who shot and killed herself because of internet bullies. A 12 y/o girl from Florida who hung herself also a result of cyber bullying. These are just two of several incidents that have occurred in the last 12 months and the number grows ever year.

What can you do to help?

• Report bullying behavior if you see it! Don’t ignore it because it isn’t “your business“. Now I’m not saying you have to dedicate hours to scouring the internet looking for cyber bullies, but if you see it, do something about it.

• Be mindful of your words. You can express your thoughts and opinions without being hurtful. You can also KEEP SCROLLING and say nothing.

• Remember that celebrities are human. Just because these individuals have chosen careers that make them public figures doesn’t give you the green light to harass and bully them.

(Photo Cred: Google)

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Until next time…💛

So now we’re encouraging people to take back cheating spouses?

Offset & Cardi B…1st off, I don’t listen to their music, but you’d have to be living under a rock to not be aware of their recent relationship debacle, it’s everywhere…and why is it everywhere? Because we live in a society entertained by another individual’s misfortunes. I digress. Now according to the receipts provided by the internet, male rapper Offset who is currently married to female rapper Cardi B was recently caught entertaining the company of a woman named Summer Bunni.

A moment of silence. This young woman, after being identified as Offset’s mistress took to her Instagram account posting a tearful video apologizing for her wrongs. During the course of this apology she made the comment and I quote,

“I didn’t know how serious his marriage was. You know… I kinda read and kinda see things but, it didn’t click until today to actually get into this.”

After hearing this, I was completely befuddled. I had to take a moment to think about what she said. “I didn’t know how serious his MARRIAGE was” I guess she thought they were just married and not married married 🤔🙄. (Please know that statement is laced with a heavy dose of sarcasm) In my mind I thought, could this young woman really be this silly? Yes, why yes she is.

A few things here…

When did the sanctity of marriage become such a joke?

When did women’s self worth diminish to the point of settling for another woman’s husband?

And when did cheating become normalized and excusable by so many?

Prior to details of Offset and Summer Bunni’s encounters began to surface, Cardi B announced the end of their marriage. As a woman who’s experienced a cheating significant other, I was elated! I thought to myself, yes, finally a woman publicly leaving her spouse after he publicly cheats! The married couple recently celebrated the arrival of a beautiful baby girl. As a woman who has experienced this very thing, I know all too well that sharing children with a cheating significant other adds a level of complexity hard to explain.

Now that Offset has been caught cheating, he like his mistress has taken to the internet with an”apology” and I use that term loosely. I posted a blog earlier in the year about cheating and how it’s become as normalized as the day is 24 hours long. In my opinion, after a person cheats, an apology doesn’t mean shit! Offset now speaks of his love for his wife and his daughter. My dear brother, where was that love when you chose to entertain the company of another woman?

If you love someone and are in a committed marriage, you don’t CHOOSE to cheat. That my dear friends, is an I love you with a but…

Here is where things turned even more left, I’ve been seeing several individuals coming to this adulterers defense! Speaking on his behalf you could say and pleading with Cardi B to take him back. Most recently, a video from rapper The Gsme who said and I quote,

“We’re all guilty of entertaining women, texting women, but he didn’t, you know, he didn’t do it”

In my post on cheating, I made it very clear that cheating isn’t always sexual, but the minute one chooses to step outside of their marriage, there is no more love and no more respect. You can’t love someone and CHOOSE to cheat. Cheating is never an accident or a mistake, it’s always a choice. You don’t accidentally slip and fall in another woman’s vagina 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I wonder, would Offset and The Game who both have daughters encourage their daughters to put up with, or take back a man guilty of the things they’ve done. What are you teaching your daughter about respecting themselves and valuing the sanctity of marriage by accepting, dealing with, or taking back a cheating spouse?

This entire situation is sad to me. Not only is it sad, at one point in my life it was my reality. Cheating destroys families!

Ladies, and men. Please know, that you do not have to put up with or take back a person that chooses to cheat on you. Cheating is not love. Cheating is not an accident. Cheating under no circumstance is ever okay.

Ladies, and men. If a person is married, they are off limits. If a person is in a committed relationship, they are off limits. Stop trying to entertain individuals already in committed relationships. It’s not a challenge and it’s not cute.

Ladies, and men. If you’re in a committed relationship or marriage and feel the urge or need to step out i.e cheat, just leave. It really is that simple. Stop committing just for the title.

I’ll end with this excerpt I found on the internet.

“Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.”

—David Levithan

Until next time…💛

Tasty Thursday #13

Dessert dessert dessert! Chocolate chip 🍪! Found the recipe on Splenda.com. Nom nom nom get in my belllllyyyyy. Have you ever had your mind set on making something, know without a shadow of a doubt you have everything you need, only to realize you’re missing two key ingredients.

This is when you kindly ask your driving teens to go to the store to get what you’re missing completely ignoring the fact that it’s almost 9PM on a school night…and when they respectfully decline, you hit em with a guilt trip, reminding them how you brought them into the world and that Christmas is less than 2 weeks away…(Singing Michael Jackson’s “they don’t really care about us” me )

So what do you do? You do the next best thing, substitute using what you do have and pray for the best. What was I missing? Salt and brown sugar. Let me correct that, I had no table salt, I did have sea salt though. Close enough. I had no brown sugar, but I had white sugar. Hell, they both sweet. Used them and made up the dough ⇣⇣⇣

It was soooo pretty guys, but I’ve been fooled before and because I didn’t have the exact ingredients, I kept my expectations low. I spooned it up, placed it on parchment paper, and in the oven they went ⇣⇣⇣

I baked them for 13 minutes at 375 because I like crispy edges. They were beautiful ⇣⇣⇣

The real question though…did they taste good? Yessssssss they were absolutely delicious! I was so happy I may have shed one single tear.

Late night before bed sweet treat! Pictures of the recipe below!

Note: I substituted the 1/4 tsp of salt with 1/8 tsp sea salt and instead of the 1 cup of Splenda brown sugar blend and I used 1/2 cup of the Splenda Naturals. Enjoy!

Until next time…💛

Top 3 Pet Peeves

1. Don’t lie to me. Nothing irks me more than being lied to. It’s so easy to tell the truth. Lying takes a lot of energy. When my children were small, I would tell them that telling the truth would keep them out of trouble. I meant that, and I stuck to it. Now let’s talk about why people lie. Here are a few reasons I’ve encountered…

Fear

Fantasy or make believe

From my experience. Lying destroys trust. It can ruin relationships and friendships. Now, I’d be lying to you if I said I wasn’t guilty of telling a lie or two in my lifetime, but I make it my purpose today to always tell the truth, even when it hurts.

2. Chronic complaining. Lawd, just thinking about the individual that complains like it’s a full time job exhausts me. We all know that one person that complains about everything. I’ve always tried my best not to complain. Complaining never changes a situation, if we’re being honest, it allows whatever you’re complaining about to consume you. You become a slave to the complaints. I especially hate individuals who create problems then complain about them. I’ve ended friendships over this one.

3. Dirty bathrooms. Public and residential, but particularly ones in people’s homes. Growing up my mama always said, pay attention to the person that keeps a dirty bathroom and a dirty kitchen 👀. Call me what you want but a dirty bathroom gives me the heebie jeebies. Have you ever gone to someone’s house, asked to use the restroom, go in, look down at the toilet and notice that little area behind the toilet seat where it attaches to the base and it’s covered in piss stains and that one random pubic hair. Or the base of the toilet where it meets the floor and on either side there’s yellow spots…(Fact: after reading this, the next time y’all use someone else’s toilet I bet you look at those two areas 😩😂). As a mom of three teenage boys I know how dirty a bathroom can get! How when you walk in you can be hit with the smell of piss and musty balls. I also know lazy privileged children (mine). I get it which is why I make it a point to clean it often.

Now that I’ve shared my pet peeves, what are some of yours? What makes you tick? Please share in the comments.

Until next time…💛

Why does what I wear bother you?

Stumbled on an article on Ebony.com about a curvy professor who received backlash about her tight jeans and heels. I’ll post the link below for you to read.

https://www.ebony.com/college-professor-inappropriate-clothing/news/curvy-

After I read the article I knew I had to weigh in.

Let me just say that humans can be really annoying and I can relate. I’ve been slim thick my entire life. I stand about 5’2.5” (yes I claim my .5) and I’m 135 lbs mostly ass and hips. My butt is large and attracts lots of attention from both men and women.

This made me selective when it came to choosing clothes. Not too tight. Not too form fitting. Not because I don’t enjoy wearing them but quite honestly, the reactions and comments I get are annoying. Things I hear…

“Is your butt real?”

“Girl your booty looks like it’s in 3-D”

“You thicka’ den peanut butta”

“It ain’t your beauty, it’s your booty”

Newsflash folks, that ish ain’t cute! I’ve even had someone I work with smack my ass and say “ooh girl I need one of those”. I almost slap that b#%^@ in the face. Fact, this was a white woman and more often than not, they’re the most infatuated; speaking from my experience. Between my ass and my hair I’m like a rare species they’ve never encountered and must learn more about.

Truth serum, I should not be responsible for one’s lack of maturity, obsession or sexualization of my curvaceous body in certain clothing! It doesn’t matter if I’m wearing a maxi dress (shout out to Devale & Khadeen Ellis and his maxi dress song), biker shorts, sweats or jeans it’s not going to change my shape. I’m still gonna be thick!

Let me address the church and its folk before I end this!

“Now you know you too shapely for that”

“That’s not appropriate for church”

“Girl you go have the pastor lookin’”

It didn’t matter if I was fully covered or if my skirt/dress was below my knees. What mattered is how I looked in the clothing or how someone else viewed me in it. I couldn’t help how I was shaped! It was mess just like that which made me an insecure teen and young adult that hated my body.

I chose more loose fitting clothing because of asinine comments from ignorant individuals made to me and the ones made to the professor. Because of mom’s who felt like my shape was too distracting for their sons. Or insecure wives who had spouses with wondering eyes 👀.

Now I’m 39 and things are different. I no longer give any f*^%# about what people think. I love my curvy body and my big booty!

Listen to me when I say, I will NOT and I repeat, will NOT choose my clothing based on the insecurities or judgement of others. I will continue to choose what’s comfortable, cute, and makes me feel pretty (even if it hugs me tightly).

Shout out to the Professor Ms. Nerissa Reaves. I salute you queen! I salute your confidence and boldness in choosing you and what makes you look and feel good. From one curvy girl to another.

Until next time…💛

2018 Reflection

338 days in the books and 27 to go! 2018 has flown by, but it’s been one hell of a ride! This year for me, has been absolutely amazing. Not free of disappointment or setbacks, but the victories outweighed the bs.

January 3, 2018 I posted my very first blog of the year. After two false starts, this time felt different. While I was still dealing with anxiety and depression I had grown to a point that I pushed my way through the negativity. I was no longer thrown off course by perceived setbacks or discouraging epithets. I was posting consistently! Not many folks were reading them, but I was consistent with something for the first time in my life!

Then I had the nerve to start a YouTube channel! Apparently I was feeling real confident. Writing I liked, but talking I loved! I started a family channel a long time ago, posted a video and didn’t post again. On September 30th I posted my very first video!

Valuable lessons and Discoveries of 2018…

I found my voice and discovered that I too could say no. Simply put, I stopped doing shit I hated. I also learned that being unapologetically honest even when I was afraid equaled growth and freedom. This was also huge in how I dealt with ex-husband and my daughter’s father.

Self-love is NOT self-ish. I’ve always been told that I didn’t know what to do with alone time. Admittedly, yes this was 100% true. I was a parent. My truth was, I lost myself and my sense of self when I became a mother at 20. It was what I knew. I now know that I can’t pour from an empty cup. I learned that it’s okay for me to take a few hours for myself. Buy myself something nice from time to time (I may or may not be abusing this one – insert from girlfriend “You are!”). It’s okay if I book myself a massage. It’s okay if I go on a date to a nice restaurant and not take my children.

My purpose. Whew! Who knew? Since 6 I knew I wanted to be an anesthesiologist, and when that didn’t work, I decided on becoming a nurse. Well…uh Chemistry and I have a hate/HATE relationship. I now know that this blog/Vlog is my purpose . Helping women, moms, parents, people suffering from depression and anxiety is just a touch of what I’m meant to do and I’m doing it.

I deserve a seat at the table. Self doubt is one of the greatest forms of self sabotage. Comparing yourself to others. Watching what someone else is doing and losing focus of your own purpose. I have mastered the art of minding my damn business. For a long time I didn’t think I belonged at the table because I was too new. Because I didn’t feel I was making an impact. My lack of higher education. But look here, I now know that not only do I deserve a seat at the table, I also deserve every great thing that comes my way.

I am a writer. Yes, I can confidently say that I am a writer. I wouldn’t have uttered those words a year ago but now, I’m almost an author.

I am over the moon excited about what 2019 will bring. In fact, I’m excited about the last 27 days of 2018. I’m expecting something great! I’ve made my request known and I’m doing the work. I know it’s only a matter of time before another shift happens.

As you reflect on 2018 thus far, what stands out for you? Are you ready for what 2019 has in store? Share some of your 2018 highlights.

Until next time…💛

Tasty Thursday # 12

It’s Tasty Thursday and it’s cold, rainy, and I’m under the weather so tonight I made something hot and hearty!

Now this is not the chicken and dumplings I grew up on but I thought, why not? Pulled out my tried and true dented slow cooker and got to work. I won’t bore you with the details of the recipe so I’ll include the link here https://www.spendwithpennies.com/crock-pot-chicken-and-dumplings/.

Growing up chicken and dumplings was a big pot of deliciousness. My father always used chin legs (skin on), gizzards and sometimes chicken feet to scare us. And you can’t forget the butter, yes butter! He would use biscuit dough rolled out super thin and it would soak up all of that delicious broth.

Now this recipe is definitely not what I was used to. To me it was more like pot pie filling 🤷🏽‍♀️, but it was simple, super easy to follow and pretty tasty! It received mixed reviews in my house. Two of my kids opted for something different, but tonight my mood is

(Photo Cred: Google)

If you’re looking for an easy “chicken and dumpling” recipe, this is a good one!

Until next time…💛